Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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