then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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