Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
