She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
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