The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Randomize
