fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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