you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
