guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
