so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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