I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
