You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Randomize
