Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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