He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
