He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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