Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
