i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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