Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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