1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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