nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
