I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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