Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Randomize
