I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
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