I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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