Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
