My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Randomize
