Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
He keeps bees of course he's weird
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
