He asked me if I "almost moaned"
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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