Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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