We're facebook friends in real life
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
