I am puke
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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