There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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