i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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