dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Randomize
