You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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