A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize