is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
