just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
