I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
