im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
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