U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Randomize
