so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
