I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
