dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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