I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
