Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
