I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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