Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
