im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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