people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
