my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
