isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Randomize
